@Classy_Cassy89: You know you're drunk when the cat barks.
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@Jenny4ashley: Joke's on you, jerk that sold me oregano instead of weed. I was going to make pizza sauce anyway.
@AristotlesNZ: Boss: Let's talk about the elephant in the room. Me: Not cool, dude. Jan's just pregnant. Him:.. Me: Jan if you report this I got your back.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: I'll never call a radio station because I'm afraid they'll give me tickets to go somewhere and do something.
@TheToddWilliams: [creation] GOD: You all have a divine purpose HORSE: I will plow man's field COW: I will give man milk GUINEA PIG: I will test man's shampoo