@ruraljules: You know you're drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
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@KalvinMacleod: I accidentally took an extra step when I reached the top of the stairs and now I'm in a marching band.
@AlexRogaski: [Me as 911 Operator] *phone rings* I wait for it to stop ringing and text back "what's up"
@GoldenSpirals: The last thing I remember was my Mom telling me to "Take Care". I did, and now Liam Neeson is chasing me.
@Underchilde: A man’s got to know his limitations. Unless he’s in a relationship, then he’ll be constantly reminded.