@ruraljules: You know you're drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
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@thenatewolf: DEBATE CAPTAIN: You're off the debate team ME: No I'm not DEBATE CAPTAIN: Damn. Where the hell was this guy at regionals?
@LoveNLunchmeat: Let's be honest, murdering someone before coffee would be pretty lackluster. I'd probably be too tired to even get the job done.
@Aspersioncast: So what do you pack for the end of the world? I'm thinking lots of toilet paper, oh and guns to protect my toilet paper.
@AmericanGent69: *holds flashlight under chin Me: suddenly the mystery of... Son: haha Dad has like 3 chins *drops flashlight Me: SANTA CLAUS IS FAKE!!