@ruraljules: You know you're drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on
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@beefman138: I am fairly well educated, but not 'knows every nuance of the English language' educated. I also have no idea what 'nuance' means.
@upsidedowntrash: Mom: What are you hiding in there? -nuthin [Vin Diesel noises from closet] M: Is Vin Diesel in there? -...yes Vin Diesel: [from closet] No.
@abbycohenwl: [Founding Fathers] -But how do we get court witnesses 2 tell the truth? -They swear on a bible? -Thats stupid -Hey lunch's here -Done[gavel]
@freypalm: Astronaut: Dave, that’s not necessary in zero-G. Penguin: [flapping wings] Just let me have this.