@DukEB51: You know you're getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
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@MAB1013: I gave myself whiplash. It couldn't be helped. Bohemian Rhapsody came on, and my kids weren't gonna teach themselves how to head bang.
@preawsaurus: oh, internet, you didn't even exist when this happened to me. every weekend.
@evanrhorne: "Chocolate is so yummy it'd probably taste good on mothballs." - inventor of Whopper Candies.
@Just__J0: My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I'm thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY.
@NickBossRoss: You legally aren't married until someone says, "haha but seriously" in their wedding speech.
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