@HallpassCanada: You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
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@Sickayduh: I'm gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.
@UncleBob56: Me: Push! Grandkids: But, you're heavy. Me: What did the sign say? Grandkids: No children in shopping cart :(( Me: Rules are rules.
@Quartzjixler: Doritos has a new snack called "Taco Explosion" so I'm suing Frito Lay for stealing my term for what occurs an hour after eating Taco Bell.
@NJFreudian: Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the town Not a creature was Tweeting, cause favstar was down.