@HallpassCanada: You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
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@Black__Elvis: My girlfriend accused me of sleeping with her sister and I was like, "How can that be possible when her snoring keeps me up all night?"
@GrantTanaka: sometimes I wonder if Einstein's friends were ever able to say "nice work, Einstein" without sounding sarcastic
@twink_mufc: There is a lady who just asked me if Arsenal is a series! I asked her why?She told me that all Arsenal fans usually wait for the next season
@3sunzzz: [swirls, sniffs and sips red wine] Yes, this is delicious. I will have a glass. Ma'am, this is a church, let go of the cup and sit down.