@HallpassCanada: You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
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@ilovepie84: Mall security asked me to empty my pockets. My response was "you won't find a better job or respect in my pockets"
@FatherWithTwins: My mother-in-law came over and made me dinner, and now I'm wondering if I should have married her instead.
@KatMcSnatch: Tip for twitter newbies: Before you start using twitter, please make sure this is really what you want to do with the rest of your life.
@PinkCamoTO: There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.