@liv_thatsme: You know you're old when you see the neighbor's dog chasing some punk teenagers & you root for the dog.
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@GrowlyGrego: Is there a Twitter acronym for "Ur screenshot tweet is really funny, but my anxiety about ur phone battery % prevents me from enjoying it"?
@lenadunham: To whoever has my old phone number: I truly hope you're enjoying those texts from that guy I met at that thing
@Discourt: Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch.