@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.
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@StormErika: People keep escaping from maximum security jails and I can't even manage to leave 5 minutes early from work.
@UniqueDude2: me: hello darkness my old friend darkness: you are going to hate me but I forgot your name
@imadepoopstoday: Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious.
@truegritrumble: ME: *as a surgeon* What's the worst that could happen? Your nose buzzes & we put all the pieces back & start over...Where are you going?