@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.
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@Julescoop: The real power of a man... Is the size of the smile on his woman's face sitting next to him.
@murrman5: [furious with son] wife: what happened? me: he talks back to me and is insulting me in Spanish [son from room] yolo isn't spanish me: ya see
@iamk1ts: As confused as an atheist who's stuck behind a car that isn't moving at a green light & has a bumper sticker that says 'Honk if you love God