@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.
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@fro_vo: Guy in Car: get out of my way idiot Guy in Crosswalk: pedestrians have the right of way Car Guy: this ain't Pedestria buddy this is America
@thenatewolf: ME: [forgetting the name of someone I went to school with for years] Hey… man! ME: [watching GoT] That’s Randyll Tarly, Samwell’s father.
@Tetley6969: I like it when my kids are old enough to drink out of the toilet on their own. That way I don't have to get out of bed to get them a drink.