@bornmiserable: You know you're on drugs when you're talking to your kids about drugs and you don't have any kids.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@weinerdog4life: I've been putting my sunglasses on and walking away from things in slow motion all day, nothing has exploded yet.
@sploosk: INTERVIEWER: says here you were fired previously? ME: yeah, I tried putting pizza in the copier INTERVIEWER: [excitedly] did… did it work?