@LivibelsDada: You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: When I was a kid I was so afraid of being kidnapped until my mom assured me there was no way in Hell anyone would ever want to take me.
@JT_IV_: What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
@RxitWounds: Permission to use your hammer, your honor It's a gavel Permission to use your gavel Denied *looks longingly at pile of walnuts & sighs*