@LivibelsDada: You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@causticbob: Beyonce: 'Who run the world?' Generally people who have at least a basic understanding of grammar.
@sad_tree: *Killer sneaks into my house to murder me but sees me practicing karate w/ my big stuffed dog I won from the carnival and changes his mind*
@AdmiralAkbrown: "Oh look, it's sleeping!" "Oh look, it's sleeping!" "Oh look, it's sleeping!" -every trip to the zoo, ever