@LivibelsDada: You know you're too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener.
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@salamingia: I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.
@Chumpstring: ME: I lied in my interview. BOSS: what was the lie? ME: all lies. except about my aunt. BOSS: she wants to party with me? ME: big time.
@PJTLynch: By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn't yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
@therealeatwood: I love kickboxing and think there should be kick versions of more sports, like kickbowling and kickbadminton