@ryaninco: You know you've had too much to drink when you ask Siri to drive you home.
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@shanethevein: The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
@MelvinofYork: Whenever I conduct a job interview I ask the applicant to name their favorite Muppet, and no matter the answer I scowl and shake my head.
@iFluff8: Men ask us if we're naked when we tell them we're taking a bath. THAT'S why they pay more for their car insurance.
@TheAlexNevil: Her: I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you *she stabs me Me:..but...you...didn't...tell...me She: Yes I did. You never listen.