@ryaninco: You know you've had too much to drink when you ask Siri to drive you home.
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@1Happytwit: If someone asks what you do for a living and you reply "I'm a lunatic" they won't ask any more questions.
@NicestHippo: Ever since childhood I've identified as a hippo. While other kids were playing, I savagely mauled villagers. #TransSpecies
@jazmasta: Dear iPhone, I have typed "haha" like a million times, but yet you continually give me "haga", "hsha", "gaga", "hahss", "hahs" I hate you