@ryaninco: You know you've had too much to drink when you ask Siri to drive you home.
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@GrandadJFreeman: In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood ... In 2012: he died of hunger.
@theshamingofjay: [interview for doctor's office receptionist] "Can you schedule appointments and be friendly" Yes. "Sorry we're looking for the opposite"