@shirtlifting: you learn something new every day oh god make it stop
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@DannyZuker: You can learn a lot about your kids by simply turning off the TV and talking. For example I discovered that mine are really boring.
@murrman5: [determined not to have any awkward silence during date] "so, what's your favorite part of a banana?"
@squirrel74wkgn: Tried using a time machine to go back to my wedding day & talk some sense into a much younger me, but I got the date wrong.
@CulturedRuffian: INTERVIEWER: What are your skills? BATMAN: I right things. I: What do you write? B: I Right People's Wrongs. I: Oh so you're an editor?