@DominicStraw: You left a note on the fridge saying "This isn't working. Goodbye" but I opened it and it was working perfectly well. I don't get it.
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@rhysjamesy: Hey to all the girls with more than one person in their picture you're making this VERY DIFFICULT.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: You only half-listen to me. You're in a boatload of trouble. Me: Yes, let's buy a boat.
@JiminyKicksIt: Interviewer: "So, where do you see yourself in 5 years?" Me: "My biggest weakness? Probably not listening properly."