@thatUPSdude: That awkward moment when you pretend to be on the phone so you can avoid talking to someone, then your phone rings.

@TrainedHedonist: Perverts have made it so you can't even park your makeshift surveillance van conspicuously outside girls' college diving team meets anymore.

@seriouslyemily: I like my men like I like my packets of instant oatmeal: Chunky and knowledgeable with facts about dinosaurs."

@DumbConfessions: "OUI!!" -French Canadian on a water slide.

@GinRumMe: Yes, autocorrect, I wanted to ask if she was all tight. Thank you. Now I know.