@hazelmotes1: You literally misuse the word "literally" every time you say it. And I figuratively want to punch you in the face. Literally.
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@pixelatedboat: Kids, if you want to succeed in journalism the way to do it is to suck at your job in a way that's useful to rich people
@huntigula: Your resume just says "falconer" "And?" Well, this is a bank *falcon starts break-dancing* "Not yet Tyler, wait until he offers us the job"
@ChrisHallbeck: This package of bacon says it's "naturally hardwood smoked" as if they just happened across a bunch of pigs next to a forest fire.