@d2BMcG: You look dirty, so does your toaster maybe you should both go for a bath... I'll draw it
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@thetits: Guarantees in life: 1) death 2) taxes 3) me pulling the handle of your car door at the same moment you try to unlock it
@XplodingUnicorn: My toddler stole bacon off my plate. We all had a good laugh. Then I made her move out.
@chris_isloi: Whenever two people argue over something, yell out "OBJECTION" and then contradict the one wearing something you don't like.