@fatherofcomedy: 'You look fat' is both an ice-breaker and a bone-breaker
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@RastaHipsta: Mission Impossible? He's done four of them now. Let's call it "Mission Pretty Hard but Ultimately Doable"
@GoldenSpirals: Ask a man if he's critiquing your work... Men Who Are Dating say: No, & compliment you. Single Men say: Yes Married Men: Try to hide
@rockymomax: I have good news & bad news "bad news 1st" I died youre talking to a ghost "OMG & the good news?" I broke the world record for eating bees
@flashember: [Excavation for dino bones] DIGGER: Sir, we found something BIG! DOG PALEONTOLOGIST: *tail wags* Ok go for break [salivating] I'll finish up