@fatherofcomedy: 'You look fat' is both an ice-breaker and a bone-breaker
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@DepressedDarth: That awkward moment when your stormtrooper army loses a battle to a bunch of teddy bears with sticks and stones.
@TeaAndCopy: My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
@Social_Mime: A car says a lot about the owner. I have a KIA which tells people I have bad credit.