@RidiculousSheri: "You look really pretty today," I said as I looked in the mirror, and my reflection replied, "And you...um, you have a GREAT personality."
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@lipstck_junkie: My 6 y/o told me the medicine cabinet was our most important cabinet. Outwardly I agreed but inwardly: "no son, the liquor cabinet is".
@BuckyIsotope: If Sesame Street really cared about children they'd realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
@jctwritesstuff: [First day as pirate] *sword tip pokes me in back* *sighs* *walks plank* Me: Whatever, y'all are out of rum anyway. Him: You drank it all!