@JimmerThatisAll: You make me want to be a better sentence completer.
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@glittergirlD43: Hey NSA... I accidentally deleted an email... Can I get you to forward me your copy?
@WilliamAder: Friend at Memorial Day BBQ: I see you wasted no time with the white pants. Me: These are my legs.
@iliezabeth: [suspecting Kyle is a werewolf] ME: Ive laid out all the good silverware for us tonight K: Its chips & salsa M: Aaand? *stabs chip w/ fork*
@Mikecanrant: "YOU'RE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER!" - I yell at the McDonalds drive thru cashier after she tells me its 25 cents more for extra BBQ sauce.