@JimmerThatisAll: You make me want to be a better sentence completer.
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@EllDavey: I go in bars in a suit & tie, drink all night & write tweets down in a notebook. They're not quite sure if I'm the district manager or not.
@eeethanford: *Stubs cigarette out in palm to look tough* *waits till everyone leaves* *takes out cell phone* Hello 911? Please send all your ambulances
@Shock_Monster: Hostess: Table for one? Me: More like TABLE FOR FUN, AMIRITE? Hostess: ... Me: ... Hostess: ... Me: Yes, one please.