@JimmerThatisAll: You make me want to be a better sentence completer.
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@mattZillaaaa: I work with some really great people. They're reliable, they're honest and they never cause any problems. I don't fit in at all.
@WilliamAder: Drove a wedge of suspicion today between the fast food employee at the first window and the one at the second.
@weinerdog4life: Turn your proctologist into a magician by stuffing 45 feet of scarves in your butt.
@Dschnoeb: Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can't love me at my bad jokes, you don't deserve me at my cat photos.