@animaldrumss: You may have the last laugh now, but we'll continue this discussion later when Im alone in my car pretending to be a stupider version of you
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@ValeeGrrl: 7yo: [points to baptism outfit hanging in closet] IS THAT TINY WHITE OUTFIT FROM WHEN I DID BABY KARATE Me: 7yo: Me: yup 7yo: AWESOME
@Reverend_Scott: Cop: Know why I stopped u? "Cuz im going too fast?" Cop: Yes, slow down. "But it's been 6 months-" Cop: U can't move in with her yet.
@bromanconsul: GIRL NEARBY: I'm breaking up with you, Kevin. You don't talk about Pokemon enough. [I sit up straight and frantically try smoothing my hair]
@EliTerry: "looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points" - commentators on my snowboard run