@goldengateblond: You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too.
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@Home_Halfway: BOSS: Okay, let's do this. What names are you pitching? COWORKER: Hannah Montana ME: Assapoopshits Massachusetts BOSS: Michael you're fired
@Social_Mime: Me - When did we get a porch light? Wife - OK, drink time is over. Me - Why? Wife - That's the moon.
@lazerdoov: Gramma gramma gramma gramma gramma chameleon she's old and cold she's old and coooooold