@inmybox07: You might think I’m flirting, but really those faces are just me trying to get the peanut butter off the roof of my mouth
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@murrman5: [space mission studying behaviour of snakes on the moon] astronaut: "we should've taken our own" astronaut holding net: "just keep looking"
@boburnham: Life is always one step forward, two steps back...Then slide to the left...Slide to the right. CRISS CROSS!!!
@djdarrellripley: Waitress: Would you like an omelet? Me: Sure. Put it in a martini glass with gin and no eggs...
@illiter8too: Me: Choose a mate who loves & respects their mom, but isn't overly dependent on her. Lady: These are 4th graders- Me: THEY NEED TO KNOW THIS