@BackrowSeats: You might think you're smart until you try using someone else's microwave.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Iwriteforcats: [Travels back in time] Me: Abe, what do you think America looks like in the future? Lincoln: United as one nation... Me: Wrong! FATTER.
@WilliamAder: Me winding up as the last man on earth is an unlikely scenario, but an awful lot of women seem to have already thought it through.
@DaddyJew: What the hell do you mean Buzzfeed isn't a reliable news source, it knew exactly what kind of pancake I'd be