@BackrowSeats: You might think you're smart until you try using someone else's microwave.
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@pbear79: A woman with questionable hygiene, no teeth, and an eye patch asked me if I was looking for a date.. Long story short, picking her up at 7.
@jwoodham: Officer, I know I was speeding, but you have to let me go. I'm running late to a concert and I'm the guy who brings the giant beach ball.
@AristotlesNZ: My psychiatrist says we need to work on my intimacy issues but then he's always the one who refuses to snuggle with me on his couch.