@karencheee: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - neighborhood drunk
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@Bandersnaaatch: When your 13yo is live streaming her makeup application in the bathroom you are obligated to open the door and loudly ask if she’s done pooping.
@winosaurusmom: After watching HGTV, my husband and I have decided to become dog walkers so we can increase our house hunting budget to 4 million.
@biggt1973: Mental note, its inappropriate, according to the HR department, to put your hand on the back of a female coworkers head as she eats a banana
@doktorj: "Vintage designer purses are not a retirement plan," says my accountant while rubbing his temples.