@karencheee: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - neighborhood drunk
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@jazmasta: [hitting on hot babe in bar] ".. You're 28? NO WAY! I used to be 28! This is spooky. You like oxygen? OMG you're not gonna believe this.."
@loudmouth_usa: Me: Ma'am your pet is loud. Lady: That's my baby. Me: Ma'am your pet baby is loud
@JamesonN7: Lawyers out there, if I see any of my Tweets being used on Comedy Central can I sue..... Oh you don't think that will ever be an issue, okay