@SteveKoehler22: As the horse fell to the barn floor, he quickly pressed his Life Alert ... "Help...I've fallen and I can't giddyup !"

@SamuelHLowe: Year: 2020 Cause of death: iPhone 10 Plus fell on his head.

@silvertongue37: My ex wife recently told me I run away from my problems. Apparently not far enough.

@HeyZeus666: I finally found a simple and easy way to deal with my weight problem. I threw my scale out.

@mjkspeaks: In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.