@LizHackett: You must be radiating feminine mystique because every man in the cafe is looking at you, and then you realize there's a TV over your head.
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@TheMichaelRock: God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history. Me: I'll show myself out.
@dave_cactus: *watching James Blunt mouth "not you" to me after singing You're Beautiful in concert*
@rachaelkelly18: The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today
@stephenjmolloy: Dude: You got a light? Me: Sure. *hand him a flashlight* Dude: I mean for my cigarette. Me: Yeah, he can use it.