@bggas400: You never know how many people are out jogging early in the morning till you back out of your driveway with frost covered windows.
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@stevevsninjas: Blind guy: I love this half-sandwich restaurant. Me: What do you mean? This place only serves whole- Service dog: *puts a paw on my lips*
@noog: "What sins have you committed?" Well... [20 minutes later] ... finally fit my whole fist up there. I shit you not. Father? *vomiting sound*
@notacroc: Therapist: what's upsetting you? Wife: he's always using common phrases incorrectly Me: cry me a table, Linda