@bggas400: You never know how many people are out jogging early in the morning till you back out of your driveway with frost covered windows.
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@robfee: If you watch The Blindside backwards, Sandra Bullock becomes so disappointed in her black son that she abandons him on the side of the road.
@MisterBombay: If I were a fashion designer I wouldn't spend any money on advertising but rather pay old people to wear my competitor's clothing
@krishna_van: "Give me a positive adjective..." "Splendid." "Nice. Now how about a negative adjective?" "Splendidn't."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: On your first day as a new parent, walk up to your baby and cry louder than it to assert your dominance.