@bggas400: You never know how many people are out jogging early in the morning till you back out of your driveway with frost covered windows.
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@NikiWithIssues: He's taking you for granted? Act differently. Do something spontaneous. Spice things up. Sleep with his friend.
@briancthayer: [Halloween] Lady: what are you this this year? Me: *dressed as a phone battery meter* I'm at 10% and it's only 7pm. Lady: *faints*
@fro_vo: [airplane intercom] good afternoon ladies and gentlemen this is your captain speaking why did you leave without me
@CakeThrottle: My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA