@darrinfb: You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don't know them.
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@batkaren: [1st date] "I'm really into roll playing," I tell her with a wink, and make two pieces of complimentary bread pretend to kiss.
@PeterClayton6: My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me.
@MattMcElaney: 10 years ago parents were like "be careful what you put on the web" and we were all "lol. old people." now none of us can ever be President.