@darrinfb: You never really realize how messed up your family is, until you start describing them to people that don't know them.
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@ZWindsor_: Teacher- "How much is a gram?" Me- "Depends on what you want" Teacher- "Out, just get out"
@Book_Krazy: Boss: HR wants to see you Me: What for? Boss: Mandatory drug test Me: Oh man, I really can't do any more drugs after the weekend I had
@TitansHomer: I'm the guy at the gym laying face down on the treadmill telling everyone "I'm ok, I'm ok"
@jctsmileyone: No YOU let your kid think he could turn the traffic lights green with his mind powers until he was 10 yrs old!