@lisaxy424: You people who don't wear glasses don't realize how gratifying it is to take them off and rub your eyes when someone's being a moron.
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@sarcasticmommy4: What I said: GET IN THE CAR! What my kids heard: Pour another bowl of cereal & watch TV.
@joeyfullystated: Stranger man at the beach asked me, "Y'all got a boat?" I said we have three, but they're old Fisher-Price models. It took him a moment.
@HellRaisingHell: Finally found a job ad that didn't mention 'attention to detail' or 'team player'. Finally!
@ShutUpThatsWho: [Microsoft Outlook developer meeting] "we need to tell users when their inbox is full" how do we do that? "we send them another email" nice