@donni: YOU: Please be aware--
ME: I'm not. I never will be. I've never even SEEN a "ware"
@rpbateman: This coworker is in a really good mood this morning, so I hacked his Facebook account and wrote "sexy" on all of his wife's friends' pics.
@JediGigi: [walks in to UPS store holding rabid raccoon]
Hi my boyfriend said he wants to take a break so I'd like to ship him this please.
@pickupIines: are you my pinky toe because i'll bang you on all my furniture
@JohnLyonTweets: House arrest? Your Honor, if anyone is going to be punished here it should be me. My house has done nothing wrong.
@marinhubka: I moved to LA 9 months ago and I've just been circling around this whole time looking for a parking spot.