@donni: YOU: Please be aware--
ME: I'm not. I never will be. I've never even SEEN a "ware"
@KeetPotato: [emergency dentist appointment]
dentist: what seems to be the problem?
me: my teeth [turns to nurse] is this guy new?
@PeachCoffin: When I was little and asked Mom how to spell a word she'd hand me a dictionary so when she asked how to do emojis I handed her a 13-year-old
@Ant_F3ltz: Little known fact: If you ride any animal in the zoo for more than 30 seconds... it's yours to keep.
@iAmDelFreaky: "It's not about who's right or wrong."
~ The person that is wrong
@WilliamAder: Do people really expect to have a satisfying experience on a website that ends with ".gov"?