@GibJimson: You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero.
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@Reverend_Scott: Rum: "Drink me." Me: "No, I'll get a hangover." Rum: "Nah, you'll get funnier and better looking!" Me: "Really?" *drinks* Rum: "Sucker."
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: Please remove your shoes & step on the scale PATIENT: Ok DR DOG: I'll be right back *carries the shoes out of the room in his mouth*
@Dawn_M_: A guy told me I'm bad at flirting and I got so mad I took back all the dead birds I nailed to his door.