@GibJimson: You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero.
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@DvuslyMarvelous: [At Mexican Restaurant] Me:asks for food to be spicy hot Waitress: how hot? Me: Waitress:my people hot or your people hot
@TheRomanParker: Oh, you like Five Guys hamburgers more than In-N-Out? *unfollows *blocks *stews *hires assassin on Craigslist *unblocks to monitor situation
@Black__Elvis: If I were a woman I’d probably use tampons because it seems like it would be hard to stuff a maxi pad all the way up there.
@ShakespearePop: I just made your acquaintance, and this is preposterous, but here is my address, perhaps thou shall mail me maybe.