@GibJimson: You politely tap a jogger with your car one time, and suddenly you get labeled a hero.
@drinksmcgee: Her: So how did you get this scar?
*flashback to a drunken fight with an Emu
Me *proudly: I got in a drunken fight with an Emu
@TommyKarate: "You missed a spot."
@BrattyBarbie: Behind every successful man stands a surprised woman and behind her stands the surprised mother-in-law and behind her,your surprised Dad.
@RobinMcCauley: A woman started choking in the line at Starbucks- it was so scary but thankfully someone opened another register.