@hipstermermaid: You raised me and taught me everything I know. Happy Father's Day, internet.
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@what_a_messs: Babe, can u vacuum a Chess board into the carpet again? the guys r here for a lifesize game *guys standing around in armor & kings outfits*
@david8hughes: My friend got bitten by a snake and he fell to the floor and started writhing around. It's amazing how fast the super powers kick in.
@Alex_N_Chains: I think it's fair to question whether or not Barack Obama is an American. I mean, look at him. He's awfully thin...
@UncleDuke1969: "Wow, it's pouring out there." "Just let a smile be your umbrella!" "That's not how rain works, Karen."