@eedrk: you remember me as the guy who put his arm in the doorway to hold open the automatic door for you in 2009. welll, now i need a favor
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@NicestHippo: [religion conference] BUDDHA: What's your opener? JESUS: "God loves you." You? BUDDHA (crumpling paper that says Life Is Suffering): Me too
@WritePlay: *dog barks at absolutely everything, every time* Me: SHUT UP *dog barks at burglar, one time* Me: It's like he just knew there was danger
@EasilyTempted: If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.
@novicefather: [opens door for two Jehovah's witnesses] Ugh...ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I'll get the virgin from the basement.