@Norsebysw: "You run like you're making fun of running." -my brother
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@WheelTod: I don't sweat Friday13. I'm not superstitious. I just take off to a nice quiet cabin in the woods, slaughter a pack of teenagers, then chill
@SmithWit: Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we're never going to meet real people ever again.
@piques15: *Working at Walmart* Lady: Hi these Thanksgiving Turkeys are a little small. Do they get any bigger? Me: No Ma’am, they are dead
@kerihw: Scientist: But WHY is the bee population dying? Scientist: No idea. *eats bee* Scientist: Did you just eat a bee? Scientist: *eats bee* No.