@Lisa_Laughs_: You said I could have my way with you. If you didn't want me to experiment with gas and fire, you should've been more specific.
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@ceejoyner: Sometimes at the beach it's like "gross, is that a condom?" Yes. And it's staying on. Not looking to raise any shark children.
@Scott_A_Gilmore: Oh look! A guy with "Stand-Up Comic" in his bio unfollowed me two seconds after I followed back. That's never happened before.
@joe_binkley: Chopped: College Edition. "In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes."
@SCbchbum: Careful, the circular motion you make with your hand to tell someone to roll down their car window is giving away your age.