@Lisa_Laughs_: You said I could have my way with you. If you didn't want me to experiment with gas and fire, you should've been more specific.
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@NikiWithIssues: I'm not hungover. I just like to wear my sunglasses when I open the fridge door. It makes me look cool.
@iscoff: "Did you hire a wedding photographer?" Sure did! *a dog with a gopro strapped to its head runs by*
@AndrewChamings: CAR SALESMAN: Check out the reclining seats. ME: Oh this baby is gonna get some action *winks* [Cut to me asleep in car on my lunch break]