@aveuaskew: You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead.
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@kumailn: I wouldn't say I'm emotionally needy, but I do set the thermostat real low so my cat has to huddle with me for warmth.
@Discourt: For a tiny person unable to wipe herself after she poops, my toddler has managed to hit me dead in the eyeball with 4 things today.
@SenatorBigfoot: "How's Mason doing?" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. "Don't you mean emo kid?" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish.
@jake_lach: You think you have your anger issues under control until someone starts telling an important story while they're chewing