@aveuaskew: You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead.
@CoopSoSarc: I was feeling great about myself when I saw my number on the womens bathroom wall 'for a good time'.
Then I recognized my hand writing.
@UnFitz: [first date]
Her: So what do you do?
Him: I'm a scientist.
Her: Cool. What kind?
Him: Mad. *electrical storm begins outside*
@WineMummy: [during sex]
Can you please take your Fitbit off.
@SatansTongue: (Macbeth and lady Macbeth)
"I killed King Duncan"
"You told me to!!"
I didn't think you'd do it omg lmao savage