@aveuaskew: You said you couldn't live without me, so it's very inconsiderate of you not to be dead.
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@aparnapkin: Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks
@mikeleffingwell: One big plot hole in X-Men is that Wolverine is over 100 yrs old but there's never been a point in history when that was a hairstyle.
@Jake_Vig: George Clooney and Brad Pitt fall in love and rob casinos together. #ExplainAFilmPlotBadly
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife: "What are you doing?" "Having an argument on Twitter" "With a man or woman?" "A lamp."