@Henry_3k: You say I'm handsome but you also said your employer cancelled your optical coverage & you haven't had new glasses in 4 years, but thanks.
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@GrantTanaka: son: hey dad me: [picks up phone, dials 9] yes son: now don’t get mad me: [dials 1] ok son: do we have a fire extinguisher me: [dials 1]
@TheBoydP: *16 calls me at office* 16: Are you stopping at the grocery store tonight? Me: No 16: You're out of beer Me: Ok I will, what do you want?
@topaz_kell: When there's a police car behind you with their lights flashing... It means speed up, right?
@Calliejacobson: So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word that describes you, the correct answer is not fergalicious.