@zacharyflynn: You say jump I say how high. You say run I say how fast. You say lets hang out I say no.
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@dafloydsta: [at Starbucks] ME: One large starbuck please. BARISTA: Sir, that's not even a- ME: Sorry, one venti starbuck please.
@ericsshadow: Instead of a DING DONG sound, I wish my doorbell would explain to the person how much I don't want to get off the couch.
@AimeeHelene1: *wears reindeer antlers* *innocently smiles* *bats eyelashes* *steals your wallet*