@facciabella: You say "my ex is stuck under the back end of your vehicle" like its a bad thing.
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@QwertyJones3: I joined a poker tournament with a bunch of people who do origami. I'm gonna dominate, cause these guys always fold.
@dadjokehansolo: Ben: I'm trying to read, you're in my light Me: Because I am a Solo eclipse! Ben: Dad I swear to- Me: I am blocking the light of the son!
@Schmoodles: You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.