@Breadery: You say pervert with a telescope. I say biological astronomer.
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@furrrizzle: Dear diary, My date got really excited when I said I wanted to cook for him. Apparently Meth wasn't what he expected. Dating is bull shit
@kidphonic: I keep hearing about kids accidentally dying from trying to get an asphyxiation high. What happened to drugs, kids?! We still have drugs!
@GatewayHug: *Holding my newborn son* Wife: What about Mike? Me: Yeah that's it, great name! *Drops Mike*
@TitansHomer: Failed biology because apparently the answer to "what is commonly found in cells?" Isn't "Blacks and Mexicans"