@Breadery: You say pervert with a telescope. I say biological astronomer.
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@AnOrangeSNES: [1st Date] (Okay, don't let her know you're addicted to eating fruit) Me: This is good [2nd Date] [3rd Date] [4th Date] [5th Date] Her: Stop
@brocketxyz: My greatest accomplishment as a father? Teaching my son to scream, "I WANT MOMMY," whenever my wife sends me into his room.
@NikiWithIssues: I have to stop saying "Because I'm Batman" all the time. It's not cute anymore. Oh wait. Yea it is! You know why? Because I'm Batman.
@EtobicokeErnie: Last night my wife said to me, “What would you do without me?” Apparently, “Your sister” was the wrong answer.