@Carbosly: You say "save the date", I hear "more time to come up with an excuse of why I'm not going."
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@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@ibid78: [in hospital] -dude what happened? "I got hit by a bu- [a bus taps on the window, does neck slice motion] -I mean I fell down the stairs"
@JONOCOYOTE: [crime scene] •detective flips open pocket watch• Hmmm...precisely what I thought "What's that sir" •closes watch• It's lunch time
@LoverOfComics94: Money doesn’t grow on trees. Your move, multinational agricultural biotechnology corporations.