@Carbosly: You say "save the date", I hear "more time to come up with an excuse of why I'm not going."
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@UncleDuke1969: To all of you who tweet constantly about drinking wine... Somebody has to say it. GRAPE JOKES AREN'T FUNNY.
@yoyoha: If you love someone: 1. Set them free 2. Drunk dial them 3. Read too much into their FB posts 4. Make them feel sorry for you 5. Die alone
@pinkmoon_33: 3 out of 4 voices in my head want to sleep. The other wants to know if penguins have knees.
@EndhooS: Scientist: we've finally taught a dog Morse Code Dog: [taps paw] Me: what did it say? Scientist: "woof"