@meganamram: You say "tomato," I say "tomato," and there, we've written our own wedding vows
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@IamEveryDayPpl: I give my stoner friends fruitcake for Christmas just so I can imagine them hating me a little while they can't help eating it.
@girl_a_whirl: [Interview] "Tell me your weaknesses" Me: Well, I.. *wife busts in* He's a mouth breather, leaves the toilet seat up, forgets to take out th
@VerbsRProudest: I don't know when the apocalypse will happen. All I know for sure is my son will still have 4th grade math homework due the next day.