@meganamram: You say "tomato," I say "tomato," and there, we've written our own wedding vows
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@tartadepollo: I asked this homeless lady if I could take her home. She said yes, so I walked off with her cardboard box.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: you didn't use my shampoo again did you? ME: *shakes my head no but my lustrous hair gives me away*
@Brocklesnitch: there should be some kind of National Dog and before any politician gets sworn into office we have to see how the dog reacts to them