@JosesLovesYou: You see a rat stealing pizza, I see a rat providing for his four turtle children
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@howe007: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "hey, that one over there is shaped like an alcoholic".
@birbigs: Twitter action film: MAN 1: Follow me. MAN 2: On Twitter? MAN 1: No. Physically, follow me. Or you'll be killed. MAN 2: On Twitter?
@MadamBetteNoire: Pollen count so high, junkies are trying to uncook their meth back to Sudafed.
@davidkenny100: Actually, no I don't spend my day arguing and working on format tweets! Narrator: he does though Shut up Narrator: you shut up!