@TheAdly: You sell yourself for retweets, you are a prostitweet.
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@GreenishDuck: You know that one cow in the field that's like 200 yards away from all his cow friends just doing his own thing? That's me. I am that cow.
@aka_fatman: I played the word "mature" in a game of Scrabble. My friend played "immature" and got the Triple Word Score so I flipped the board over.
@PaperWash: Things more likely to kill you than Ebola: - choking on a wheat thin - erotic asphyxiation - falling off the toilet - a duck with a gun