@TheAdly: You sell yourself for retweets, you are a prostitweet.
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@sofarrsogud: Before we were married, my wife was like a tiger in the bedroom. Now she's more like a possum. She plays dead whenever a snake approaches.
@zachreinert03: Saw a TV at the dumpster with a sign that said 'free TV' and boy do I feel stupid, I paid $200 for the last TV sitting at a dumpster