@Trudacious: You should ask her if she gained weight. That way she knows you're paying attention to her.
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@tchrquotes: Student:Why do we need to know this? Me: To look smart for your friends. Student:What if I don't want to look smart? Me: You're doing great.
@hiitsmolly: "I could probz bench press, like, five of you"-me talking to a cool squirrel I just met
@dorsalstream: I've decided to donate my brain to science. [years later, my brain is used to prop open the Science door]