@Trudacious: You should ask her if she gained weight. That way she knows you're paying attention to her.
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@flashember: The microwave was invented in 1946 when an enraged toddler demanded his food be locked in a revolving prison and destroyed by lasers.
@thatUPSdude: Turns out if you fake a heart attack every Monday work sends you to HR and not the hospital.
@JoParkerBear: The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of intoxicants.