@Irish_Dinosaur: "you should be more serious, sir. this is arson." "no this is MY son!" *tousles his hair* "ha ha ha. so how many houses did the rascal burn"
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@WhoTheHeckIsMeg: ["Platonic" male friend rams car through my bedroom wall] I heard you broke up with your girl. You ok? Ready to give men a try now?????????
@FrenulumBreve: "hello pretty lady." [i slide down the bar] "what's your name?" i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye.
@TeamPHumor: Samantha from Facebook wants everyone to know she & her family are going on a cruise next week just in case you want to break into her house