@Irish_Dinosaur: "you should be more serious, sir. this is arson." "no this is MY son!" *tousles his hair* "ha ha ha. so how many houses did the rascal burn"
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@WilliamAder: My wife's been working in our garden for two solid days now. I never realized tomatoes required a big, six-foot-deep hole like that.
@tuckerflodman: [halftime] Coach: Okay men we're literally losing at basketball to a dog... any ideas? -I have one. *pulls out vacuum with a jersey on*
@juliussharpe: You know it's not believable when six people rob a bank in a movie if you've ever tried to organize a dinner for six people.