@alexjmann: You should marry the first person who can understand what you're saying while you brush your teeth.
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@DaHess1: Shout out to bicyclists that yell "on your left" as they pass me so I know which arm to clothesline them with.
@AlexRogaski: You don't serve tuna do you? "No sir, we don't serve fish here" *A family of tuna in fake mustaches whistles innocently at another table*
@longwall26: Review of "grandma": slow, slow-witted, terrified of technology, can't bench for shit, no karate, basically racist ★☆☆☆☆
@tehaveragejoel: *bites nails* Sorry. Bad habit. I haven't been on a date in a while "I can see why" she says, pulling her fingers out of my mouth