@alexjmann: You should marry the first person who can understand what you're saying while you brush your teeth.
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@NoticablyBacon: Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single
@TheMichaelRock: Her: is he trained? Wife: of course! Me[from the couch] QUIT TRYING TO SELL ME ON CRAIGSLIST
@Cheeseboy22: All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society's way of preparing you for your driver's license photo.