@1Happytwit: You should never bribe someone to get what you want. You should blackmail them, it's cheaper and much more effective.
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@awkwardphilippe: That awkward moment when your date says she has a hair piece but later you find out she was saying herpes.
@dreadnaught69: People who incessantly go on and on about replacing things that taste good with quinoa, please stop
@robfee: Have you ever thought about how weird it is that one of your hands is dumber than the other?
@CornerPubRon: After years of intense research, I have come to the conclusion that dryer lint is actually the cremated remains of all my other socks.