@underchilde: You should walk a mile in my shoes and I’ll take a cab.
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@markleggett: Today I fell asleep for twenty minutes during a thirty minute car ride, which was strange because I was driving.
@therealeatwood: [Enter Password] drapes [Re-enter Password] carpet [Error: Passwords must match]
@Brampersandon_: [soup kitchen] *homeless man is handed a plate* What the hell is this? -Turkey bacon. *throws tray against wall* I'm hungry! Not desperate!