@underchilde: You should walk a mile in my shoes and I’ll take a cab.
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@_sleepysmile: Him: My voice is a little hoarse. Me: You have a pony?! Him: ... Me: ... Him: ... Me: I wish I had a pony. *pouts*
@Reverend_Scott: [horror movie in 2169] The killer creeps up behind the college co-eds and JUST STARTS THROWING GLUTEN EVERYWHERE [entire audience faints]
@BradBroaddus: My rear view mirror broke off. No biggie, I'll just put one of my contact lenses in backwards.