@Death_Buddy: You sneeze, and a tiny book titled "A spiders guide to navigating the human brain" shoots out your nose. You faintly hear a spider cussing.
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@daemonic3: [reads chocoholic on tinder bio] Mmm I love chocolate, too [reads workaholic] I work a lot as well [reads catholic] I also am a cat addict
@PLATINUM2000: Me: I killed another one, boss. Mob boss: You don't work for me. Me: I volunteered. Mob boss:*Looking angry* Me: I'm gonna get back to work.
@NoTrophy4You: When I was 3 years old I looked at my nutsack and asked my Mom "Are these my brains?"."Not yet," she replied