@wickedsuga: You sneeze more than 5 times in a row and I'm gonna start performing an exorcism.
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@Elizasoul80: Bees aren't disappearing. Trump has been secretly deporting them because he thinks pollination is a hoax created by the Chinese.
@WookieInMyPants: Me: Can I leave early? Boss: Why? Me: Death Boss: Who died? Me: No one yet Boss: Me: Boss: Get out
@causticbob: "Wanna hear a joke?" "Alright then." "What's the difference between a toilet and a fridge?" "I don't know," "You're disgusting."
@JonasPolsky: Getting white carpet installed, then inviting everyone over for a spaghetti sauce and red wine party.