@tequilasaltlife: You sneezed 20 times in a row, I think your brain wants out
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@CopBroughtPizza: and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about...MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE
@SortaBad: If you watch Sleeping Beauty backwards it's about a prince who was so charming he kissed his girlfriend and she fainted for 17 years
@IceHuck: Me: did you throw these rocks in my pool? 3yr old son: nope. Maybe they fell out of a rock tree. Me: ok.
@BadAssB48546279: Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle.