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@AmnesiaRose: "You snooze, you lose."
@iinkedZombie: [pet store]
Me *looking at snakes*
"CAN I FEED THEM?"
Pet Store Employee [never looks up from his phone] sure.
Me *putting my kids in tank*
@CauseWereGuys: "Say hello to my little friend" Great Movie Quote. Terrible bedroom talk.
@AndrewChamings: PEDIATRICIAN: This could sting a little.
PEDIATRICIAN: One day the sun will envelope the earth and we will all turn to dust.
@wickedimproper: Every time "Cops" comes on I'm like "PLEASE don't show my episode."
@thenatewolf: Head and Shoulders should make a body wash called Everything Else